I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
