like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
