You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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