even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Randomize
