Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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