I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Randomize
