any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
