Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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