What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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