What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.