one word: firstdatebathroomanal
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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