We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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