I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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