i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
