Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
