the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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