In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I don't deserve a penis
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
