I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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