Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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