my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
sarcasm needs its own font
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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