I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
