Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
