Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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