yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
