if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
