Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
