I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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