Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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