Got a toothbrush?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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