I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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