i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
