so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
