every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
