There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
