Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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