Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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