He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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