Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Found your dick twin last night
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
