He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
