i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
