my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
