Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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