I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
