what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
