8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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