Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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