I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Randomize
