They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
