So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
