Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
