I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
