you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
