we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
