I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize