tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
