Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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