I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
