just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
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I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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