Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
