you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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