She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
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