you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
