i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
