A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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