based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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