Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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