I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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